He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
