That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
