I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You're like the curious george of whores
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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