I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
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Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
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Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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