rhymes with "ouble enetration"
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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