Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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