Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
