YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
