I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
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