The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
