So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
