My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
