1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
