I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
