You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
