i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
