All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
