Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
