Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
