I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
