I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
