There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
