normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
