the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
