That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
