dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
