Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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