is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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