Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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