Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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