hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
