There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
