I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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