Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
