i jhust puked up my retainher.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Randomize
