Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
you traded sex for a burrito?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I think I just shit out all my problems.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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