chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
