mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize