I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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