We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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