I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Randomize
