hotel room ftw
I think I died a long time ago.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
