put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
