I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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