I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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