I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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