Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
