I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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