it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
