if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
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