Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
