i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
