Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I still have a little drunk in my system
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
