dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
