I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
