I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
