batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
