So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
