youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
