So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
