I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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