Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
