my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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