you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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