you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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