Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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