barbara walters just said penis...
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
