I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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