Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
