No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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