where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
